Good evening everyone, hope you are all doing well! Today was quite a good day for me. I needed it after a few tough days. Apart from the usual work stuff, cooking, and taking care of myself, I made a 15K bike ride. This was a bit unplanned but I had forgotten my key in the office so I had to cycle back and forth. It gave me some energy because now I am excited to write this blog post. 

Today I want to talk about unsolicited advice and listening when sharing problems. I shared a problem with someone earlier in the week and then today this person called me to offer some help. That was extremely kind and nice. Initially, I felt good that this person had thought of me. I still do feel this to some extent and will remember it. However, it was at a random moment (when I was having dinner) and I was not waiting for it. Initially, the conversation was helpful because the person said “If you ever want to talk I am free”, which made me feel connected. But then when I opened up a bit more, the person started advising me on what to do, which was not what I was looking for. Moreover, the advice consisted of things that I already knew and sounded somewhat basic to me. This made me feel as if the other person thought he was better than me and I needed help, which I know was not the intention. 

For a while, I thought feelings like this were bad because I should be grateful for other people trying to help. However, now I believe that sometimes it is okay to feel bad about well-intended help and also reject help. I came to this conclusion on my own while talking to several people and reading articles**. In particular, if something is causing more harm than good, however well intended it is I feel I should speak up about it. For example, by kindly thanking the other person for the help and saying I need something else right now. This is because in the long run, I want to recover and I have the confidence that I can manage on my own. 

That’s about it for today. In future posts, I like to add a bit more detail and descriptive language in my posts. In the meantime I am curious about your experiences regarding unsolicited advice and if you agree with me. 

* Sometimes I describe other people in my stories and I try to make them as anonymous as possible. If you have doubts about this please reach out to me and I will amend it. 

 ** https://psychcentral.com/blog/imperfect/2020/02/its-time-to-stop-giving-unsolicited-advice